Jews

I think I inadvertently creeped out the franchise owner of a new small-chain coffee shop that recently opened in Mesa. I visited it today with my roommate, Arica, on our way to Agritopia. After chatting up the owner for a few minutes, and after he told me he had opened this franchise after relocating to Phoenix, I asked:

“So how long has it been since you have been in the States from Jerusalem?”

He looked puzzled. “I didn’t recall saying I was from Jerusalem.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I am, but what made you think that? I have no accent.” The man seemed a bit worried.

“Well, no, you have no accent. Your bakery items are from Chopmies, which is Kosher. I just sampled your flavored coffee, which infuses the ground coffee, not the beans, with the flavored oils. Only two coffee roasters in the U.S. does this. Yours taste like it comes from La Cienga Roasters in Los Angeles, which is also Kosher. Your gold pen clipped in your shirt pocket – take it out, it’s not a pen at all. It’s a wearable mezuzah – it has a piece of the Torah inside. The parent company probably discouraged you placing it on your door, so as an alternative, you wear it everyday. It is gold and worn over the chest on the pocket because that is where Nazi Germany made Jews wear a gold Star of David as a sign of disrespect – the practice of what you’re doing was picked up in honor of the Jews killed in the Holocaust, and was implemented about ten years ago, but mostly only In Israel, and then very rarely outside of Jerusalem.”

“Are you from corporate?”

Arica told me to stop doing this to people.